4/12/09
It happens every time I go home. Well, maybe not EVERY time. But enough for me to notice it. My dad brings race into some conversation where it's not even relevant. Friday night, I had dinner with my parents at this sports bar / tavern place where ESPN was on.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4055343
This story came on the TV. Nick Adenhart, LA Angels' pitcher was killed by a drunk driver. This guy was charged with murder. Anyway, they showed the drunk driver's picture on the TV.
My dad said something like, he looks Hispanic, doesn't he?
Completely irrelevant. I brought this up - I told him that it had nothing to do with anything - so what if he was Hispanic, White, Black Arabic, Asian, etc?
My dad agreed that it had nothing to do with the story, but just said, well, he's a murderer, that's all. Kind of this passive-aggressive tone. Really frustrating.
But, that's not all. Saturday night, we were eating dinner again, and my dad brings up this news story:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090412/ap_on_re_af/piracy
Pirates took a ship's captain hostage (Today - Sunday, he was freed). This story really has absolutely nothing to do with race.
But he claims that this guy wouldn't have been captured when Bush was president because of Bush's active military. Okay. Whatever. My dad is conservative.
Next, he says that this guy is being held hostage and Obama isn't going to try to get him released because he is White.
WHAT?!?!?!? That doesn't even make sense.
And I couldn't take it. I finally said it. "Why do you make everything about race? This has nothing to do with race. And you did the same thing last night at dinner. The fact that the drunk driver was Latino has nothing to do with anything. It could have been anyone. And why do you have such a problem with Obama as a president?" It was not a pretty dinner table conversation.
The subject was dropped thereafter, and race hasn't been made an issue since. At least not in front of me. Maybe he'll realize not to say things like that in front of me. Who knows. It's so frustrating.
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Wow, that must have taken a lot of courage to say that! I admire that :)
ReplyDeleteI know too well how you feel, one of my family members make similar comments about race. Always trying to bring it into situations where it does not belong. Continuing on to make overtly racist comments and jokes. Needless to say, the home-front is not a comfortable one. What's sad is I didn't even realize how common they were until I started taking this class. I think I just became desensitized to it. I knew it was going on but I viewed it as so normal that I didn't pay any attention. Now every time something happens or is said I feel very uncomfortable. A few times I have tried sticking up for my beliefs, but it just results in being laughed at. Unfortunately, this family member has not taken the hint that it such commentary/statements bother me. It can be so frustrating, I agree.
Thanks for the support, Amanda. It's good to know other people feel this way. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong person. I know that putting at stake the relationship you have with someone close to you is hard. Your father is just a product of his times. And, unfortunately he may not change, but for you to have the courage to stand up to it and say that you will not accept that is exceptional. The views your father holds about race and how he brings them up are prevalent in my home. I was raised believing certain things about white people and some of my family members still hold those to be truths. Some of my family does not trust white people. Not just because of history, but because of interactions they have had with white co-workers, classmates, etc. I tell them that just as black people are different, white people are different. We should be tired of judging people by their race. Moreover, we should be tired of subjecting ourselves to "black things" or "white things." But basically...You own!
ReplyDeleteThat story reminds me of a conversation that I had the other day with a track runner that experienced your initial confronation at dinner. He said a similarly racist comment, and I asked him what the intent behind the comment was. He then proceeded to talk about how he wishes that you and I had not taken this course because he feels as if we are "psycho-analyzing" his statements. The topic of race soon dropped out of the conversation and it has yet to resurface since that conversation. I felt frustrated just as you did with your father, and I wonder what impact that discussion had on this individual. It seems as if he will avoid ever bringing up the topic again around me, and while I am glad to not have to listen to derogatory comments, I wish there were still the opportunity for productive conversation.
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